You fell deeply in-love with your dream partner. You got engaged in the most romantic way possible after dating and getting to know each other. You spend months planning and creating a beautiful wedding that includes all your loved ones. You have engagement parties, bridal showers, Jack & Jill's, Bachelorette and Bachelor parties. You spend hours picking out THE dress and tuxes. You spend hours on your wedding day having hair and makeup done for you and your bridal party. You spend a glorious honeymoon in an exotic location designed exclusively for you. You return home to all the beautiful presents, cards and checks that you received for your wedding. You send loving 'Thank You' cards to all your friends and family thanking them for the wonderful presents and telling them how much you appreciate their love and support. After all that is done...now real married life begins! This is where you really need to focus and pay attention!
Real married life is day to day. Getting up every morning, going to work, spending time with each others family. Hanging with friends and attending the occasional party. Looking at each other every day, sharing each others hopes and dreams for the future. Planning a future together that may involve a new house, kids, new career, pets, travel and retirement. This is the real deal! You are in it for the long haul, this is why you said "I Do!" You absolutely plan to spend the rest of your Time Together! Divorce is not something you think of or would even consider. As a matter of fact, you refuse to even believe that it would ever happen to you. So confident in the strength and endurance of your love and relationship. Have you ever considered HOW you are going to make the relationship last and grow? Have you ever considered that you need to continue to fall in-love with each other over and over again throughout your married life together? Have you thought about the actions and steps that you need to make that will require you to pay attention to your partner and the relationship you share?
It is of absolute importance that you are always focused on growing and improving your relationship with your spouse! But How???? How are you suppose to focus on your relationship with all the other demands on your time? You are so tired and over worked. You are pulled in so many directions. All you want to do is make it through the day and go to sleep. All of those things are true. It is called life. However, you are married now, there is another life for which you promised to love and cherish forever. Your marriage is the most important relationship in your lifetime! After you have grown old together, you will be looking at each other and say "We did it! I wouldn't change a thing!"
How do you get to the "We did it!" stage? I want you think of your relationship like a bank account. If you constantly took money out of your bank account without ever making a deposit, what would happen to your bank account? What would happen to your finances? What would happen to your life? Your marriage is your "Love Account". You can not always make withdrawals from your Love Account and never make a deposit. Your Love Account will be over drawn causing you serious marriage hardship and emotional bankruptcy. It is okay to make withdrawals, that is why we have a life partner. We have our partners to help us carry the burdens of life, to support each other and to love unconditionally. Your marriage requires deposits in order to continue to grow and deepen as the years go by. As you make it through the hard times and the good times, it is also how you make it through arguments and fights, and general disagreements.
How do you make deposits into your Love Account? The deposits can be small, simple gestures like flowers, cards in the mail, doing the dishes, helping with the kids, date night to a movie, providing space, paying each other compliments, holding hands, hugging, reminding each other of why you fell in-love, etc... The deposits can also be big, grandiose events like vow renewal, second honeymoon, annual romantic adventure trips, surprise birthday party, a surprise weekend away, tickets to a favorite concert or show, buying an expensive gift that you know he/she always wanted etc...These are deposits that must be made on a consistent and regular basis throughout your life together. The deposits should never, ever stop! So when the time comes to make a withdrawal either a large or small one, you have your Love Account completely flush with love. Therefore creating an atmosphere and relationship built on mutual love and partnership. Not one person feels out of balance, not one person is depositing or withdrawing more than the other. There will be times throughout your relationship that one person will need to make a larger withdrawal than the other, but this balances out over time. Each one of you will have times in your life that will require your spouse to be patient, kind and loving. As long as you both have been making equal deposits into your Love Account, it will not matter when it happens to you because you are equal in the deposits.
Your Love Account must remain strong and flush with love. Even when you are on each others last nerve!! When you are frustrated with each other or are irritated by certain habits of the other, remember your Love Account. Remember why you fell in-love! Remember what makes you happy about him/her. Remember what characteristics made you fall in-love with him/her. What you focus on expands, if all you focus on is the negative, then all you will get is the negative. However, if you remain focused on all the positives of your partner and marriage, then you will get all the positive as long as you stay focused. Try to make love deposits weekly in order to keep your Love Account flush with love!